So I’m two days from the “dreaded” 40th birthday… (in case it hasn’t been obvious, I’m usually making dramatic statements with a gleam of mischief and sarcasm in my eye)… I generally don’t like to take life so seriously. Sure I have my dark moments with fear and sadness, but it’s not really how I see the world. I have come to understand that its best not to avoid the dark, but it is also not a place to dwell in too long. Finding the humor in life has been my way of keeping centered and making life’s burdens a little lighter. Laughter is one thing that I share in common with both of my parents. I have tended to have an extra capacity for it though. My husband and I share this too. If you can laugh at yourself, it makes communicating so much easier.
Nothing has dramatically changed as I had been envisioning for my entrance into the 40-something crowd. I like change and milestones find me jonesing for it a bit more than usual. I created some grand plans for my appearance and my daily life that were hard to live up to. One side of my brain is working on letting go of expectations and the other side is busy amping them up! No wonder I drive myself crazy… Ah well. I’ve been living with myself for about 40 years now so I really shouldn’t be surprised. The irony is that while one of my goals for my birthday has been achieving a state of “letting go of expectations,” I actually needed to let go of my expectations ABOUT my birthday and not have any birthday goals. Sigh.
So my gift to myself is perhaps to realize that I’m perfect “as is.” No changes needed. Nothing to achieve for my birthday. Let’s see if I can just enjoy being me. Not a new and improved me. Just me.